The LYF Foundation

FAQ's: About HIV

2010-05-20T16:09:00.000-07:00

Can I get HIV from anal sex?

Yes. In fact, unprotected (without a condom) anal sex (intercourse) is considered to be very risky behavior. It is possible for either sex partner to become infected with HIV during anal sex. HIV can be found in the blood, semen, pre-seminal fluid, or vaginal fluid of a person infected with the virus.

Can I get HIV from vaginal sex?

Yes, it is possible for either partner to become infected with HIV through vaginal sex* (intercourse). In fact, it is the most common way the virus is transmitted in much of the world. HIV can be found in the blood, semen (cum), pre-seminal fluid (pre-cum) or vaginal fluid of a person infected with the virus.

In women, the lining of the vagina can sometimes tear and possibly allow HIV to enter the body. HIV can also be directly absorbed through the mucous membranes that line the vagina and cervix.

In men, HIV can enter the body through the urethra (the opening at the tip of the penis) or through small cuts or open sores on the penis.

Can I get HIV from oral sex?

Yes, it is possible for either partner to become infected with HIV through performing or receiving oral sex, though it is a less common mode of transmission than other sexual behaviors (anal and vaginal sex). There have been a few cases of HIV transmission from performing oral sex on a person infected with HIV. While no one knows exactly what the degree of risk is, evidence suggests that the risk is less than that of unprotected anal or vaginal sex.

Can I get HIV from tattoos or body piercing?

A risk of HIV transmission does exist if instruments contaminated with blood are either not sterilized or disinfected or are used inappropriately between clients. CDC recommends that single-use instruments intended to penetrate the skin be used once, then disposed of. Reusable instruments or devices that penetrate the skin and/or contact a client's blood should be thoroughly cleaned and sterilized between clients.

A brief summary: Having a other STD's can make you prone to HIV, sharing drug injecting needles with someone who is HIV positive, health care workers are at low risk of getting HIV on the job, there are reports of female to female transmission of HIV. There is no risk of HIV transmission closed-mouth kissing, human bites, shaking hand or even if an HIV positive person spits on you. DO THE RESEARCH..LEARN MORE ABOUT HIV.

For more in depth information: please visit: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/qa/transmission.htm

Stating FACTS:: How can you get HIV?

2010-05-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

Which body fluids can transmit HIV?
HIV transmission can occur when fluids containing HIV from an infected person enter the body of an uninfected person. These fluids include:

•Blood
•Semen (cum)
•Pre-seminal fluid (pre-cum)
•Vaginal fluid
•Breast milk
HIV can enter the body through:

•Lining of the anus or rectum
•Lining of the vagina and/or cervix
•Opening to the penis
•Mouth that has sores or bleeding gums
•Cuts and sores
•Needles (syringes

http://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/prevention/reduce-your-risk/fluids-of-transmission/

How much are a box of condoms?

2010-05-20T15:22:00.001-07:00

Interesting question? You will be suprise of how many of us know the answer. Major OOPs!! If you know the answer pat yourself on the back : ). If you do not then I suggest you find out, especially if you are sexually active. Women we can no longer leave the purchase of condoms the responsibility of the men. If we do, we are allowing a man to have control over our bodies. IF YOU ARE HAVING SEX, PLEASE PRACTICE SAFE SEX!!!!!

I met with the Somwa VA Team yesterday. If you have not heard of Somwa Foundation it is a great organization for Survivors of Mothers with Aids. We have created a VA team to educate ourselves as well as others the dangers of HIV/AIDs. The HIV rate is high in the Black community so I feel we need to be the face behind it. It is our responsibility to get this important information out. Visit the Somwa Foundation site for more information: www.thesomwafoundation.com If you would like to team up with the Somwa Team for our events email thesomwafoundation@gmail.com. I am proud to be part of the Somwa VA Team as well as the face of LYF Foundation. It takes hard work and determination but the ultimate goal is helping others.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO PREVENT TEEN PREGNANCY

2010-05-20T15:07:00.000-07:00

Anybody thats age 11 and up please bring them out to our Teen Pregnancy Prevention Workshop and Pledge Event this Saturday @ 11am at Emanuel AME Church, Portsmouth, VA conducted by Planned Parenthood. Email for more info 041701@msn.com. Oh yeah, ADULTS are welcome to attend too!!!

SATURDAY MAY 22, 2010!!

UVA Murder: Missed Warning Signs?

2010-05-07T09:55:00.001-07:00

I do not think we can place all the blame on the University. I think it is a wonderful idea to train school personnel on Intimate Partner Violence. However, some abusers do not have a criminal background to track. A lot of times this abusive behavior is not reported because of the embarassment the victim will face. According to the video, she and her partner got into a altercation prior to her death. It is so important to learn the signs and go with your gut. I am sadden of the death of Yeardley Love.

Learning the Warning Signs

RED FLAGS:::
ISOLATION!!!
CONSTANT PUT DOWNS!!!
IT STARTS WITH CONTROL OVER YOUR MIND AND THE WAY YOU THINK!!

When love becomes a drug

2010-05-06T13:06:00.000-07:00

In a sense, a substance abuser is the same as a domestic violence victim. No matter how much you struggle to make them understand that their situation is harming them, they have to let go when they are ready. Just like drugs, "harmful love" can damage your body. It makes you risk everything. You start to justify the actions behind the behavior. It clouds your vision and you are unable to see that problems exist. It keeps you separate from your family and friends. When it seems like people pull in close to help the more your run farther away. So what do family and friends do? Sit by the phone to wait for "that call"? Since we are comparing drugs to abuse then wouldn't we use the same remedy to escape from abuse as we would from drugs?The best thing to do to stop using drugs is to get away from the drug or to distant yourself from activities that influence the drug use. To successfully complete your stages of withdrawal you will need to have ongoing support from family, friends and the community.

The first step is to realize that a problem exists:

Some people do not know what abuse is. If he or she feels the situation is normal how do one know to get out? Explain to them what abuse is. Remember: abuse can be VERBAL, EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, SEXUAL and FINANCIAL.

So, what can you do to help your friend and/or family member to understand that is an abusive situation?

LISTEN: be there for them at all times. When he/she is ready to talk, you will be the first person he/she calls.
PLEASE DON'T JUDGE: The more you state that you dislike his/her partner then he or she will feel you don't have his/her best interest. However, take caution. Know what behavior to report and seek further help. Your friend may be upset but he/she will live to get over it.
SPEND TIME WITH HIM/HER AT MUCH AS POSSIBLE: Most abusers isolate their victims. Keep his/her mind free and able to spend less time with the perpetrator. The attacks happen usually behind close doors and usually in their home. Keep him/her busy and out of the house.
HELP HIM/HER CREATE A SAFETY PLAN: Love isn't the only reason why he/she may be there. Financial reasons may be why he/she stays. There is fear of failure especially for married couples or for couples with children. He/she needs a plan to figure out where the income will come from and/or where to escape if a severe attack happens. To help a friend build a safety plan, visit this site and scrolled down to the bottom of the page http://www.abanet.org/tips/dvsafety.html

GIVE HIM/HER A NATIONAL HOTLINE NUMBER: just in case she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you. Some victims are afraid to be judged and sometimes family and/or friends tend to gossip when they get frustrates about a love one's situation.
To find out about help in your area, call:National Domestic Violence Hotline:1-800-799-SAFE1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
TAKE CAUTION: Know what behavior to report and seek further help. Your friend may be upset but he/she will live to get over it.
DO NOT PUT YOURSELF AT HARM: If you get a call, never go alone. Domestic situations are even risky for Law Enforcement. If you are on your way, call the police to meet you.

Do not be ignorant and/or shallow. You might think the behavior he or she is putting up with is stupid. Of course it is, but we all do stupid things and at the end we all need support.

LNP

11 signs of Emotional Abuse

2010-05-06T12:50:00.000-07:00

1. Constant phone calls, text-messages, e-mails, IMs, etc. to check up on you (harrassment)
2. Extreme jealousy when you talk to or spend time with other people
3. Name-calling or putting you down, either when you're alone or with other people.
4. Behavior that you have to apologize or make excuses for.
5. Statements like, "I can't live without you. If you leave me, I'll kill myself."
6. You feel depressed, anxious, and unhappy in your relationship.
7. You're scared to upset or make your partner angry.
8. You've seen your partner hurt or talk down to other people.
9. You're down on yourself, or even hate yourself, especially when you're together.
10.You lie about the bruises or cuts you have.
11.You don't spend as much time with your friends, and you feel isolated.

Read more at Suite101: 4 Different Types of Abuse: How to Recognize Abusive Relationships
http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/recognizing_four_types_of_abuse

Know the signs, learn them and learn to love yourself. It is not worth it.

LNP

Impossible Standards: Nothing I do works: Diary of a Black Girl

2010-05-05T20:16:00.000-07:00

Sitting here after a long day of work, I hardly ever watch 106 and Park. For one, I don't have a lot of time and for two it seems as if it draws more attention to the younger crowd. That's another story. This guy with beautiful skin and dreads laid neatly in all the right places caught my eyes. Wale. I pronounced his name as Whale when I first seen it. How silly of me? Let's get on task here. Did u see the video? It was heartfelt as I described earlier it was way too familiar. That diary belonged to me at least some part of my life and/or one or many of my close friends. The message I am assuming he is trying to convey is that we (women) carry hurt on from one relationship to another. At the beginning of the video he has a brief encounter with this girl who just fans him off. She doesn’t seem interested to know what he has to offer her, if anything. If you listen closely you can hear her friend tell her “don’t even sweat it”, as if they’re discussing something prior.

“Rather lose love than to move on never knowing what it feels like.” That is a powerful statement. I believe that young women go through a phase in a relationship where they assume it is love and are afraid to let go. Sometimes I want to tell young women “if you ever experience real love then you will not waste your time.” The reality is we know when something is not right. We just do not want to believe it and hope it will get better. This is normal, but sometimes enough is enough.

Wait there is more…..

“Listen to your friend gets another man for a minute then repeat,
Queen, you deserve the title but she rejects what I give, while she nurses the wounds by them.” I have to agree with Wale again. I have heard women say, “No need to start a new relationship it will be the same.” What about the women who give the next dude a tough time because she is scorn? We have our guard up the second time around. Sometimes when we have experienced an unhealthy relationship, we do not realize when someone else’s intentions are good.

“Raised by a momma who, who,
Hate her baby father so, so
She don’t have a problem with, with,
Saying Forget a guy Quick, quick,

Wale goes on to talk about how some women hate their child’s father. How many times have you heard women say they do not need a man? This could be true. What about the fatherless child? When I was growing up I needed my dad. Not so much that I could not live without him but just for comfort and knowing that I was love by the man that helped create me. Do we send mix signals because we use our emotions first? Do we realize the impact we have on our children?

So you know I have advice to offer. It is only right. Let first address that all women are not like the young lady shown in the video. Everyone has different experiences. I am only going by what I see and the women I come across including myself. My advice will be to wait for love. Stop looking for something that may not be meant to be. Fill a person out before you put your all. If you leave sex out of the picture you are less likely to get hurt. Keep in mind, that relationships are not perfect. I hope that we all find a prince charming but let’s be real. Take your time. Love you. If you thought you found that special someone and it does not work out, feel strong enough to move on. It is not failure. It is simply an experience. Learn from them. Hope this helps.

Mr. Wale, sir you have adopted a new fan. I love the song and video.

LNP

Promoting Healthy Relationships

2010-04-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

When I utter the words “Domestic Violence” often others cringe. Believe or not, its a topic that people do not want to talk about. Women are too embarrassed and men are targeted. Then there are the stares. "Who does she think she is?" I know it is sensitive topic but I also know that no one is talking. I also know that silence is the epidemic of domestic violence. So, if my big mouth is going to help others or save a life than I will talk all day.

I know women are embarrassed because I talk to a few who have openly admitted it. We all know that these are not the type of the conversations that come up with our girls. Until I started this foundation, my girlfriends and I hardly every brought up the subject of domestic violence. Of course, we know plenty of women that were going through it, but it never was a big deal. For one, it was personal and two it is didn’t affect us. You know how grown folks say, “worry about your own front porch”. You were told to mind your business especially when issues like that arose. Which leaves me wondering, why can we throw dirt on other topics but when domestic violence comes up it is suddenly strange?

“How can we take an approach that does not demise men but make them more open to protect their daughters, friends and/or sisters. Believe or not this cannot just be a women’s issue. Majority of men are the abusers, however some are victims. We need their help. We need their voice. We need men’s voices because they have to teach their sons. We can Stop the Violence against Women, but how?

Love vs. Lust

2010-04-01T06:12:00.000-07:00

Love is suppose to make you a better person. Uplift you. Don't become needy, spineless and insecure. Love you. It will make loving someone else easier.
Love is suppose to make you a better person. Uplift you. Not needy, spineless, insecure and one-dimensional. Lust.. the two are often confused- Emily Giffin

Does this person encourage you?

Give you that extra push?

Inspires you?

Motivate and support your ambitions?

Do you consume so much of your time around this person you can't get anything done?

Will there be life after this person?

Do you find after you break-up, you start do all the things you want to do?

"Sometimes we are only in love with the idea of love"

Gives you a lot to think about.

Contact Us

2010-03-12T08:09:00.000-08:00

Please invite us to any events we love to come out and show support or if you have any questions, feel free to write or email us at the address below.

The LYF Foundation
P.O. Box 652
Portsmouth, VA 23705

Email - www.lyffoundation@yahoo.com

LYF @ PIZZA HUT FUNDRAISER:: 2/24/10

2010-03-11T16:32:00.000-08:00

I LOVE THE UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT FROM MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS!! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH YOU KEEP LYF GOING....

PHOTO SHOOT:: ACID MEDIA X THE LYF FOUNDATION X PLATINUM COSMETICS:: LOVING YOURSELF FIRST

2010-03-11T14:46:00.000-08:00

I decided on a photo shoot months ago and it finally came through. I checked around for prices, models and photographers. My partners were just clicks away. I teamed up with Lorenzo Williams (who runs AcidMediaVista Photography) and Nikki Dancy who specializes in nail art and also does amazing faces with 'Platinum Cosmetics".

http://www.acidmediavista.com/

I originally wanted to pick teen models to provide a "face" for my foundation. It was a lot of pressure at the end with getting everyone together, but instead of stressing I look around and realized that God has blessed with three beautiful sisters. ANSWERS!!!
My two sisters along with myself modeled and my eldest sisters did great art with our hair. The purpose of this photo shoot was to build self-esteem. I am in no way a model or feel the desire to advance in a career of modeling, but the experience alone made me feel great about myself. It was like "you can do this." "You can be the face of your own foundation." I want young women to realized it does not matter how light or dark your skin is, if your hair is short, long, curly, straight, natural etc...You, too can be beautiful. It was a wonderful experience. I plan to do tons of photo shoots in the future. Stay tuned the LYF Foundation is moving forward....

LNP

Commentary: Hiding Herpes Status From Your Lover - Essence.com

2010-03-11T14:34:00.000-08:00

Commentary: Hiding Herpes Status From Your Lover - Essence.com

Excerpt from essence.com

Just like with HIV, you must do more than ask a man you're planning to have sex with about his status, especially since 80% of the people who are infected don't know. You must make him get tested. If presented with the option of no sex or getting tested, any halfway sane man will opt for the inconvenience. And if he doesn't want to get tested, stay away while you wonder what he knows he has or what he's afraid to find out about. You've got a significant enough chance of avoiding HIV if you use a condom... but with herpes? Not so much. It can spread through skin-to-skin contact, even when your partner doesn't have an outbreak through a process called "shedding." So you must ask your partner to get tested specifically for herpes since it's not included on the general STI test.

Read more:Commentary: Hiding Herpes Status From Your Lover - Essence.com

Fantansia New Song:: I love it

2010-03-09T18:28:00.000-08:00

Ladies: "Doing You":: what number are you on?

2010-02-17T18:53:00.000-08:00

“Do you” or “Doing me”- Who coined that term? Be careful what you put out there. For what I heard or from past experiences I believe it means lack of commitment. In other terms, no strings attached, self-fulfillment, and being independent but in a sexual manner. Correct me if I am wrong, but that usually how I hear it. As a matter of fact, I heard today. It went like something like this, “Girl do not get married at 18. Before you do all that, do you first”. This was said to a 15 year-old girl. Wow! I thought. Here I am, trying to clear it up. Can we really do us? Can we really sleep with several partners? I know the world isn’t fair and men can do it blah, blah, blah. But, would you really want to? One woman read a passage to me that said “women are like sockets, be careful who you let plug it you.” The best thing I have heard.
I wanted to let my young females know that is it perfectly okay to be pure. When I say pure, I’m not saying a complete virgin. I mean anyone who is a virgin I strongly commend you to stay that way until marriage. But, lets keep it real, in this day and time there are few unless they are 11 and under. Just because you have lost your virginity does not mean you cannot wait on the next special partner especially if you have not found that “one”. It does not mean you cannot wait until you are married.

Think about it 10 minutes of satisfaction could lead to an STD, HIV/AIDs, pregnancy, a broken heart, rumors etc. It scares me because a lot of young females are inexperience and are not aware of their own bodies. Basically, at the end, we are not getting any pleasure at all. So, what’s your point? Do you want to feel loved? Do you want to feel closeness? Does sex constitutes love? Does sex make a man fall deeper in love with you? If you don’t have sex with him, will he leave you?

I am asking the question, but now in the same breath I will answer them. Here are your answers:
No you cannot as a woman have multiple sex partners. True you can do whatever you want, but it wouldn’t be wise especially at this day and time. If you know someone personally and they told you that its okay based on their past experiences. Ask them: how they ever had an STD? Ever had an unwanted pregnancy? Sit back and look at their life. Are there any success stories from what they have experienced? If there are, which I highly doubt, will your life turn out the same? Be careful whom you envy. Be you. All these different men that you are sleeping cannot possibly be “husband material”. Do you plan to spend the rest of your life with each of them? At the end of the day, is it worth it?

If you want to feel loved. Love Yourself First. No one can possibly love you more than you. If you don’t love yourself, there is no reason for you to to love another. I’m not talking about family. Some things are unconditional. Don’t look for someone to give you happiness. Trust me, if you love yourself there will be fewer things that you will tolerate. You definitely would not settle for 10 minutes or maybe less of senseless sex. Find out what makes you happy. Don’t put your life on hold for this new thing called “love”. If it is right it will come natural.

If you want to feel closeness, get to know a person. I find some ladies have sex with guys and do not even know his middle name. If you were to have an unexpected child by this guy, you could not even name his son a junior. Ask simple question like, What is your favorite color? What’s your mother’s name? What was life like in your childhood? What’s your favorite food? Do you know what makes him laugh? What ticks him them off? What type of family does he come from? Can he dance? He is right handed of left? Does he want to have children? You get my point.

Sex doesn’t constitute love. A person can be in love with you and never touched you sexually. A person can have sex with you, but don’t love you. This guy said, “I don’t have to have sex with a person to be emotionally attached to that person”.

Sex can make your relationship deeper, but don’t use sex to get to that point. If your relationship is failing, having sex just to make it better is not going to help. It might mend it for a while, but think about once the sex is over. What’s going to happen? If he is not emotionally attached then you might just become his sex buddy. If you are someone’s sex buddy, snap out of it. Don’t believe he loves you because he comes to scoop you for sex.

How do you know if you are a just a sex buddy:

If you can’t reach him after certain times
If you call and he doesn’t answer
If you do not go on dates
If you are in need, but you cannot call on him
If he does not know hardly anything about you
If you hardly know anything about him
If you have met anyone in his family, preferably his mother or father.
I can go on. No one needs to tell you. You should know. Wake up!!

If you don’t have sex with him, he may leave. So! Don’t let that bother you. If he leaves quickly, rather now, then when something really serious comes up. Trust me, he wasn’t worth it in the beginning if he is unable to stick around. You should be able to walk away with your head high. No need for him to become another sex partner. Love you. Be you. You will find love when it is right for you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS. M. J.!!!

2010-02-17T18:12:00.000-08:00

WE CELEBRATED ONE OF OUR YOUTH MEMBERS BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY...SHE TURNED 12!! WE DECIDED TO SURPRISE HER WITH DINNER @ PF CHANGS...ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAV RESTAURANTS.....IT IS A WONDERFUL FEELING TO BE ABLE TO BOND AND SPEND GREAT TIMES WITH EACH OTHER...WE LOVE LYF!!

ACID MEDIA VISTA (LORENZO WILLIAMS) X PLATINUM FACES (NIKKI DANCY) X THE LYF FOUNDATION- PHOTO SHOOT COMING THIS SUNDAY

2010-02-17T17:55:00.000-08:00

This is about as good as it is going to get for me far as modeling...LOL..

The LYF Foundation x Acid Media Vista x Platinum Faces is teaming up for LOVING YOURSELF FIRST....CAMPAIGN... PHOTO SHOOT..

The purpose of this photo shoot is to build self-esteem and also to market our foundation. We want to promote beauty and show the world that even you can pose and me the heart of our foundation. Our girls will enjoy this..and I am proud to be a part of PROMOTE BEAUTY... DESTORY HURT...

FEBRUARY 24TH 6-9PM: PIZZA HUT

2010-02-17T17:46:00.000-08:00

Another fundraiser night for family and friends. We are partnering with Pizza Hut. If you are able, please come out to support the LYF Foundation on February 24, 2010 from 6 to 9 p.m. (20 %) of the bill goes to our foundation. Even if you’re able to come for a few minutes, your presence will be greatly appreciated. This will be the same experience as Applebee’s. I love companies like Pizza Hut, Applebee’s, and Krispy Kreme. You don’t have to pay upfront. This companies allow you to raise funds for organizations as well as interact with people. It brings patrons to their business and helps the community in a positive way. Every little bit helps. At LYF, we focus on self- esteem issues. We hope to carry on our motto Loving Yourself First. I am a mentor and hope as our organization grows will be able to provide other mentors to help out as well. Donating to the LYF Foundation helps out with education needs, clothing, food etc. We do anything around building self-esteem. I am so focus on this because I know that one day these young women will be mothers and will have to teach their daughters. Through education and building a remarkable sisterhood we can teach the importance of LOVING YOURSELF FIRST and defeat Domestic Violence…..now all we need is your love and support..

The race has already started….Why are you not at the finish line?

2010-02-09T18:12:00.000-08:00

As young women there is a struggle. The world is watching our every move. Often life is based on status, so we do whatever it is to obtain one. No one wants to be broke, suffer or struggle therefore we strive to make a way sometimes out of no way. We all at one point come across an obstacle. Whether it is finishing school, raising a child, keeping and/or obtaining a job. We are all in this together trying to accomplish the same thing. This struggle becomes a competition. Competition is good in some instances because you push the other person to advance. Motivate that other person because she also reaching for number one.

The part that amazes me is we compete secretly. We gossip about her. We withhold personal information because we are afraid that she will judge. We race to do thing first so we can chant “been there done that”. We get in all kinds of debt because we want a bigger house and fancier car. We lie on her and gossip about her to make ourselves feel better.

We are women. She is you.

I have been judge before not by my character but what I have. Just because I am not a mother does not mean I look down on young mothers or women who had children out of wedlock. Just because I haven’t been trouble with the law does not mean I should feel bad about being honest. The way I talk or carry myself shouldn’t be consider conceited but well-mannered.

The theory is this when you see another woman doing well take note of that same behavior and learn the good from it. Model that behavior let her be an example. Hate someone or hating on them takes too much energy and you are doing nothing but draining yourself. Mistakes happen keep moving. The same person that you secretly compete with can help you get to where you need to me. Teach you daughters the same. We have to break this cycle.

LNP… I LOVE YOU ALL MORE BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO LOVE LESS

Looking for a new book?

2010-02-08T17:55:00.000-08:00

My New Read: This is a wondeful book. It has all the answers and you know that you are growing when you already crossed those paths and made it to the finish line.

Your expectations determine your reality.
Be the Chooser, not the choosen.
Don't try to fix anyone.
Love yourself first.
You are what you believe.

You don’t Love you Lust….Sounds crazy right?

2010-02-07T20:24:00.000-08:00

Last Tuesday I attended a meeting initially for substance abuse with the City of Portsmouth Behavioral Health. I was invited by Dee Wright and glad I accepted the invitation. The topic up for discussion was “Healthy Relationships” right up my alley.

We started with this question….

How do you know you love someone?

SACRIFICES
HAVE TO SEE THEM ALL THE TIME
HURTS WHEN YOU BREAK UP
YOU PUT THEM BEFORE YOURSELF
YOU WILL DIE FOR THEM
YOU MISS THEM WHEN YOU HE/SHE LEAVES
IT’S A BEAUTIFUL FEELING
YOU MAY ALTER YOUR LIFE FOR HIM/HER
YOU DITCH YOUR FRIENDS FOR HIM/HER

Of course we mention a handful but these were the only ones I could remember. Feel free to add more in your mind. Read my answers. Now think back. How does being in love relate to substance abuse. Take out love and use drugs. Read my answers again and relate it to someone on drugs. That’s right love is an addiction. That is why is most cases even if you’re in a bad situation it is hard to let go.

From the beginning it is not LOVE but LUST. Let me help you out:

DEVELOPMENT OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP:

1. FALL IN LUST: infatuation, always around each other, can’t get enough, this is where the wine and dine takes place, dates, excitement, you believe that you are in love. Sex may takes place because you have that urge and can’t wait.

2. FALL OUT OF LOVE: the arguments start, all the things you let him/her get away with irritates you now, (he leaves the toilet seat up, throws clothes all over the house, she becomes sloppy/doesn’t care too much about her upkeep, she starts to nag/complain, he smacks when he eats, her voice is irritating). I can go on. You get the point.

3. LEARN TO HATE: described as the peak of your relationship. “It can’t get any worse than this”. The affairs may start. Disrespectful behavior. You involve other people in your relationship, fighting constantly, disagreements, argue about the smallest things, you hate to go home with them, break up and make ups, on and off. This is where you decide if its going to be over.

4. LEARN TO LOVE: the forgiveness stage, where you decide if it’s worth working out, weighing out the good vs. bad. I believe this is the stage where you decided you love that person and the lust goes out the window. TIME TO WORK THINGS OUT.

What do you think? I found this exercise interesting…..LNP

PIZZA HUT FUNDRAISER NIGHT!!

2010-01-25T18:41:00.000-08:00

SAVE THE DATE:: FEBRUARY 24TH...PIZZA HUT ON LONDON BLVD, PORTSMOUTH,VA FROM 6PM-9PM....FUNDRAISER NIGHT!!! FUNDRAISER NIGHT!!! FUNDRAISER NIGHT!!! BRING YOUR CHILDEN, FAMILY, CO WORKERS, AND FRIENDS!! COME EAT PIZZA AND SUPPORT THE LYF FOUNDATION..

New Ideas....coming up in 2010

2010-01-25T18:27:00.000-08:00

Just got off conference call with my girls and it is definitely going to be an exciting year for the LYF Foundation. We are trying to plan events every month. We want to raise awareness and also get more information out about LYF. My vision is to build a stronger team. I don't mind if it is just four in charge as long as we are thorough I know all things are possible. Next month, February 24th Fundraiser Night with Pizza Hut from 6pm-9pm. I hope to see all my family and friends there. I think it will be a great start for the LYF Foundation!

News – Recovering Alexa Ray Joel Talks About "Heartbreak-Related Depression" – Celebrity News – UsMagazine.com

2010-01-06T19:55:00.001-08:00

News – Recovering Alexa Ray Joel Talks About "Heartbreak-Related Depression" – Celebrity News – UsMagazine.com

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Helping for the Holidays

2010-01-03T18:01:00.000-08:00

There's is nothing like giving back. Every year I make sure I choose a name from the Angel Tree. That is something I do personally. This time I wanted to include the LYF Foundation in giving back. We contacted Mrs. Whitley, principal for James Hurst Elementary and she helped us with the selection of names. I reached out to anyone who was able to help me provide two children with clothes and shoes. Seven wonderful and heartfelt individuals reached out. We were able to provide the family with clothes and shoes for their children. It was a beautiful feeling. Thank yous.. Vanessa Pearson, Darneisha Parker, Alisha Ransom, Ashley Canty, Brandon Eley (Dj Baby Boy), Marlana Ashe and Nicole Tabron. We are blessed, therefore we are able to bless others.

LYF @ Applebees

2010-01-03T17:39:00.001-08:00

We ended '09 with a social gathering of family, friends and LYF members. LYF dine at Applebee's Restaurant. It was our last chance to get together before the year was out as well as enjoy a delicious meal. I would like to thank everyone who came out, my old friends and new friends. Your contribution goes right back to the community. We will continue our quest to help others with the community support.

Dine to Donate

2009-11-18T17:43:00.000-08:00

Dine at Applebees (4132 Portsmouth Blvd, Ches Sq) on December 1, 2009 and 20% of your bill will be donated to LYF Foundaton. This is a all day event. I will be there from 5:30pm-9pm. Send me your email to receive the flyer. I will like to thank everyone for their continuous support. Come out and support my girls : ) LYF

NEW LYF T-SHIRTS!!

2009-11-15T14:44:00.001-08:00

The LYF T-shirts!! Shirts are $15.00. Wear a Tee to Promote Love: Create Beauty and Destroy Hurt: The shirts deliver a powerful message and it will be wonderful if you guys support me, rock and purchase one!! All proceeds benefit the LYF Foundation..Loving Yourself First

Design my Anthony Savage (True Martyr Campaign).
To get a t-shirt email us lyffoundation@yahoo.com

Parent Conference: November 21, 2009

2009-11-15T14:40:00.000-08:00

"Preparing Parents for a New Day" Saturday, Nov 21, 2009. 9am-1:30pm. I C Norcom High School. Free to Public. Childcare Provided (2-7yr). Workshops: Children's Health Matters, Disciplining, Internet Usage & Safety, Directing and Father Substituting, Anger mgmt, teen parenting, Ideas for stretching $$, Internet Safety, Launching Academic Success in Young Children, Giveaways and much more!! Limited Transportation available 397-3097.. Come out if you have time.

Sponsored by Ida Barbour Early Learning Center
Funded by Dominion Virginia Power
Keynote Speaker: SVP & GM Cox Communications

Keys to a Healthy Relationship

2009-10-15T17:33:00.000-07:00

We know how to identify a bad relationship. Even though some may not want to accept it, but we have an idea when our relationship is going downhill. Instead of always talking about bad relationships, I decided to inform my girls on how to create a healthy relationship. I created some key points of establishing a good relationship. A lot of my points come from experience as well as my need to ask older and wiser couples. I search through my blackberry list through all my contacts. I knew all of them could help me share their experiences with our youth. Whether they were business or personal, at this point their opinions mattered the most:

(Communication, Trust, Honesty, and Compromising were the MAIN replies)
These (4) most people consider are the most important.

Communication- hands down!! Everything you say has two meanings, which means it is questionable. Never assumed, just ask. Communication helps you avoid arguments.

*Include God in you relationship

*Treat your partner as an equal. Don’t believe the hype. Things should be 50/50.

*Understanding- open to hear each other sides. Most of the time you will interpret things differently.

*Trust is very important. You have to be able to trust your partner in good and bad times.

*Loyalty is a must. Be loyal and always respect your partner.

*Humor- It takes great sense of humor to survive any relationship. Laughing at the moment when you could cry and fuss is powerful.

*Dependability

*Compromising

*Honesty

*Be able to believe in that person

*Patience

*Compatibility- someone described compatibility as independence, which explains which mean meeting your partner halfway as far as needs and accomplishments.

*No matter how busy you are always make time for each other.

*Involve your partner is your life. Invite your partner out with your friends at times.

*Keep the relationship spicy. Try new things like vacations and new restaurants.

*Remember to learn to have fun together.

*Forgive- It IS okay to forgive but not forget if you don’t forgive the other person you will walk around with the burden. Bringing up old things from the past can cause strain.

*Friendship- a lot of people establish relationship but don’t truly know who the person really is. It is even worse when you establish a sexual relationship before a friendship.

*Consider your partner feelings; protect their feelings, mind and heart.

*Sex that pleases both parties involved.

*Sex that makes both partners comfortable.

*When Angry, try not to argue-you may regret it later. WORDS HURT.

*Do NOT go to BED MAD!!

*Be a firm believer in what u want- when you want something from your partner, be firm, no tears.

*Do not start name-calling or belittling

*It is better to talk to partner about your problems than someone else

*Hitting is always unacceptable

*Establish goals for your future

*Make sure finances are in order. Good credit is important.

REMEMBER:

Respect yourself. Love yourself. You cannot love someone else until you take care of that first.

Be responsible for your happiness. Don’t depend on your partner to make you happy. It may cause confusion.

Thank you all for your help. This information may help you or help someone else. I will later produce some of this valuable information on pamphlets and distribute to my youth. I love words of ENCOURAGEMENT. People like you make the world go round. :)

“AT YOUR BEST YOU ARE LOVED”

LNP

President Obama declares October national domestic violence month - Essence.com

2009-10-14T09:16:00.001-07:00

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim October 2009, as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I ask all Americans to do their part to end domestic violence in this country by supporting their communities' efforts to assist victims in finding the help and healing they need.--President Barack Obama

Sisterhood

2009-10-13T17:37:00.000-07:00

I think its time to put away all the drama. It is time to come together and unite. My vision is to create a sisterhood and a support system. Even though I have yet to choose a sorority, I admire their bond. But, what if you never make it to college? That means that you would not have a chance to partake in the unity. What if you are in college, but do not fit the "description" or cannot get in. While standards should remain and be set high, my vision would be just a sisterhood. That's it. Doesn't matter the background, GPA, body structure etc. It would be my dedication to your girls because they will grow to be beautiful women. They will learn from us and then teach their children. We need to have the ultimate support system. We need mentors, leaders and a bond to help other sisters out. When life gets hectic and we can't talk to mom. Sisterhood doesn't require extensive time, speaking is how it starts. Speaking and communicating is very beneficial and it opens up a welcoming door. So, the next time you walk into a beauty salon packed with beautiful sisters, speak and engage. Have enough confidence to downplay negativity. Speak and see what happens. Someone will speak back and if not, oh well! Let us break the cycle of judging. We quickly judge or are afraid to get to know our own people. Statements like "I don't need her all up in my business" -people actually only know what you tell them. Being a respectable and polite person does not mean spilling all your business and the juicy gossip. In other words, let us build!! Starting today, build a new network and who knows a new friendship!! Through the positive moment I have build new friendships with Clever, TierraDivaStyle, Tiff Biff, Primary Thoughts (aliases of course) just to name a few. I do not know them personally, but we have created a bond... It's so wonderful to meet other beautiful women.

DV Events: October 25, 2009

2009-10-01T12:34:00.000-07:00

6th Annual De-Feet Domestic Violence 5K Race/Walk

Join Samaritan House on Sunday, October 25, 2009 as we hold
our annual walk/run in honor of
Domestic Violence Awareness month.

Get ready runners, we have added a 5k run as part of the event!
A one mile Fun Run for children ages 5-12 will also take place after the walk/run is complete.

Interested in becoming a sponsor?

To register on-line, please visit www.Active.com

17th St. at the Virginia Beach Oceanfront
All proceeds to benefit Samaritan House

For more information, please call Melissa (757) 631-0710.

Special THANKS to sponsors for the event

http://www.samaritanhouseva.org/events.html

DV Events: November 19-20, 2009

2009-10-01T11:34:00.001-07:00

Virginia’s 5th Indigenous Women’s Conference and Retreat - “Healing the Hurts”

November 19-20 , 2009 Great Wolf Lodge Williamsburg, Virginia
Please see attached flyer for more information, or contact Melissa Roberson at mdickert@oag.state.va.us, or (804) 692-0592.

http://www.oag.state.va.us/KEY_ISSUES/DOMESTIC_VIOLENCE/DV_Training_and_Events.html

DV Events: October 15, 2009

2009-10-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

October 15, 2009
Lecture #4: Technology: A Threat and Safety Net for Victims of Domestic Violence and Stalking
Technology can both help and harm victims of domestic violence and stalking. This session will provide an overview of Virginia’s technology laws and how these laws can afford protection to victims. Presenters will also discuss how technology can be used as an instrument of harm and how victims can take affirmative steps to protect themselves in this technology-driven society.
With Featured Speakers:
George McLaughlin, Investigator, Computer Crimes Section, Office of the Attorney General
Stacy Ruble, Domestic Violence Advocacy Coordinator/Grants Manager, Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance
Detective Bernard “Mac” Adams, Richmond Police Department

Thursday, October 15, 2009 10:00 a.m. – 12:00 noon Office of the Attorney General Auditorium 900 E. Main Street Richmond, VA 23219 Click here to view flyer for more information

www.oag.state.va.us/KEY_ISSUES/DOMESTIC_VIOLENCE/DV_Training_and_Events.html

Virginia: Domestic Violence

2009-10-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

Every year in Virginia, thousands of individuals and families are touched by violence in their own homes. In 2007 alone, 38,798 calls were made to the statewide domestic and sexual violence hotline, and more than 6,500 adults and children received emergency and temporary shelter services from local domestic violence shelter programs. (Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance, 2007.) In addition, roughly one in three homicides are related to family and intimate partner violence. (Office of the Chief Medical Examiner, 2008.)

http://www.oag.state.va.us/KEY_ISSUES/DOMESTIC_VIOLENCE/DV_Training_and_Events.html

Smudges on your Mirror

2009-10-01T09:24:00.001-07:00

It will always stick with me. My professor brought this to my attention a couple of years ago. She drew a mirror on the blackboard and made faded images with the chalk. Then she asked, “What are the smudges on your mirror?” I realized that my inner thoughts about myself didn’t come from me being insecure, but from other people’s perception of me. I also became conscious that no matter how much someone complimented me if someone said that ONE bad thing it stuck with me FOREVER. Then I thought…wait my stomach isn’t flat enough. I want the back of my legs to me smoother. My face is too fat and full. I need cheekbones more cheekbones. My teeth will need to be super straight and pearly white. They say that you are your own worst critic, but did I create these thoughts? I had the guy come to be a say, “You are beautiful, but you already know that.” I must have replied nonchalantly. I know I am beautiful but he portrayed me to be this magnificent creature. I thought to myself, yeah sure.

But, what happens when someone you trust and love deeply says negative things that make you re-evaluate yourself. When you honestly value someone’s opinion and they say the most hurtful thing... it’s no longer a smudge…it becomes a SCAR. If I love you and you love me then I can you not be speak the truth?

“Once you’ve let yourself fall in love with someone, once you put him on a high pedestal and he lets you down, you never want to experience that pain again”. (A quote from Jay-Z when discuss the issues with his father).

My thoughts wondered like crazy. This could relate to any relationship. Do we run from pain or do we stay in it and try to change? Ask yourself that question. What if someone wanted you to change? What if someone wanted something that you could never be? Wouldn’t that be the same as telling you to change your eye color? You know that’s impossible. Or would you fake it and go buy contacts? Do you stay and try to fix things? Or do you walk away because you know that you cannot be what he/she wants? Think about it. I may be getting too deep for you. Do you let a temporary high dictate your life?

I define “temporary high” as a person that makes you feel good when you are in their presence. It’s temporary because you cannot have this person when you want and/or need him or her. This person knows this. He/she knows that they control your inner thoughts. You are so addicted to this high that you don’t recognize the affects he/she has on your life, body and mind.

So I went from smudges on your mirror, hurtfulness, changing yourself to temporary high. I know my mind wonders. If you have no clue, basically I am saying you never can be everything to one person. You cannot please everyone. Take a look in the mirror. Be honest of what you see. I hope you see flaws. I hope you see potential and inspiration. Find you. Love you in the way the no one else could. Also, invest in a bottle of glass cleaner. Wipe those smudges away.

Love is Love LNP

Talks about domestic violence

2009-09-29T17:00:00.003-07:00

Talks about domestic violence

2009-09-29T17:00:00.001-07:00

Carmela's Story of Domestic Violence

2009-09-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

Where to get Help??

2009-09-29T16:27:00.000-07:00

National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) 24 hrs a day..365 days

VINE (vinelink.com) Active in 47 states allows women to search for an offender in custody.

Women's Law (http://www.womenlaw.org/) has state by state legal information and resources.

Amy's Courage Fund www.nnedv.org/projects gives emergency financial assistance trying to escape. Grants up to $2, 000

Education and Job Training Assistance Fund www.nnedv.org/projects

Face to Face 1-800-842-4546 provides free plastic surgery to victims who substain injuries tot he face, head and neck.

Give Back a Smile (1-800-773-4227) repair front teeth damaged by violent partner

Info taken from The O Magazine...Thanks Oprah : )

Governor Kaine Highlights October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month

2009-09-29T16:17:00.000-07:00

Governor Kaine Highlights October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month– Agencies in Virginia responded to nearly 50,000 crises in 2007 –

RICHMOND – Governor Kaine today proclaimed October to be Domestic Violence Awareness Month in the Commonwealth. Domestic Violence agencies in Virginia responded to nearly 50,000 crises in 2007, averaging more than 100 each day, pointing to the need for greater public awareness of support services for victims and the importance of efforts to reduce incidents of sexual and domestic violence throughout the Commonwealth.
"There is a critical need to increase public awareness about the psychological, physical and economic costs of domestic violence and to increase support for victims and prevention programs." Governor Kaine said. "That's why I pushed for reforms in the law and additional support for victims during the 2008 legislative session. I urge all citizens of the Commonwealth to support domestic violence survivors and their families, to promote programs and organizations that serve them and to participate in community efforts to prevent violence in the home."
During the 2008 Legislative Session of the Virginia General Assembly, lawmakers at the urging of Governor Kaine passed laws that ensured reimbursement for healthcare providers performing physical evidence recovery kits (PERK), banned the use of polygraph tests on victims of sexual violence, required faster reporting of protective orders, and repealed the law that allowed a man to marry a child (14 years of age or older) in order to avoid prosecution for rape of the child.
According to the Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance (Action Alliance), more than 6,000 adults and children were housed in shelters this past year due to sexual and domestic violence incidents. Another 1,800 families were not able to be immediately accommodated in shelters due to a lack of space and were helped by emergency safety arrangements.
Local programs provide a broad range of assistance to those who are affected by domestic violence, including counseling, access to medical and mental health services, education, housing and financial and legal support.
Virginia's Secretary for Health and Human Resources, Marilyn Tavenner, noted that the state's Department of Health works in collaboration with Action Alliance on a wide range of prevention programs, on initiatives to teach children and adults about healthy relationships, and on efforts to highlight the community-wide implications of sexual and domestic violence.
"It is important for people at risk to not hesitate to call the Family Violence and Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-838-8238 (v/tty), for referral to a program in their area," Secretary Tavenner said.

http://www.governor.virginia.gov/MediaRelations/NewsReleases/viewRelease.cfm?id=790

Light Up DVAM with Purple Night Lights™

2009-09-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

H.E.R. Shelter in Portsmouth, VA, is bringing Purple Night Lights™ to the Hampton Roads Area. To participate in Purple Night Lights™, residents are encouraged to purchase a purple light bulb and display it on their porch or in their window throughout Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Organizer Sandra Becker from the H.E.R. Shelter says the porch and window light bulbs are available in two sizes and for just a few dollars. The goal is to bring awareness and support to victims and survivors of domestic violence and to send a strong message that “Domestic Violence Has No Place in Our Community.” Purple Night Lights™ was launched in King County, Washington in October 2007 by the Covington Domestic Violence Task Force. In the years since, more than 14 other states have participated. Becker says she is, “hoping Purple Night Lights™ will catch on throughout Virginia next year.” To get more information about holding a Purple Night Lights™ event, email Becker.
http://www.endabuse.org/content/features/detail/1363/

Virginia Individual Development Accounts (VIDA) Program

2009-08-24T07:53:00.000-07:00

What is special about the VIDA program?
The Virginia Individual Development Accounts (VIDA) program is a special savings account program that triples your savings: VIDA matches $2 for every $1 you save in a VIDA account. Matching funds are limited to $4,000 per participant with a maximum of two participants per household. The combined savings can be used to:
Buy your first house
Start a business
Save for you, your child’s, or your spouse’s education (vocational training, community college, undergraduate or graduate degrees)

1. Am I Eligible?The VIDA accounts are available on a first come, first served basis for all eligible, Virginia residents. In order to be eligible, you must:
Be a U.S. citizen or legal alien 18 years of age or older residing within Virginia;
Be employed;
If saving for a business or education, have a dependent child under the age of 18 living in the household with their parent or guardian;
Meet income requirements;
Save a minimum of $25 per month or more; and
Be accepted into the program

http://www.dhcd.virginia.gov/HomelessnesstoHomeownership/Virginia_Individual_Development_Account_VIDA.htm

Racial Segregation Enhances Risk of Violent Injury

2009-08-15T11:27:00.001-07:00

Racial Segregation Enhances Risk of Violent Injury

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Domestic Violence Linked to Poor Health in Older Black Women

2009-08-15T11:20:00.001-07:00

Domestic Violence Linked to Poor Health in Older Black Women

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CBS Video on Domestic Violence

2009-08-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

Watch CBS Videos Online

Domestic Violence: How to Spot the Signs - Essence.com

2009-08-12T10:00:00.001-07:00

Domestic Violence: How to Spot the Signs - Essence.com

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Fitting In- Is it really that serious???

2009-08-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

On July 31st I visited New Mt. Olivet Baptist Church in Portsmouth. They gathered for a girl’s lock in. It was very interesting and fun!! They dance off of “Just Fine” (check out the video is my last blog) and Mary Mary, “It’s the God in Me!” I set out for that part, didn’t want to trip over my feet. LOL I’m getting there. Maybe next time I will show out and dance!!

I served on the panel. The girls got to ask up ask us questions about anything that was bothering them. The panel selection was impressive. There were a couple of NSU grads. Whoop! Whoop! A young lady went to Hampton University, another Old Dominion and another TCC. We all had educational backgrounds, but at the end of the day we were all women. It doesn’t take education to speak from experience. We wanted to give the best advice as well as guide them to new endeavors in life. The girls asked questions about “fitting in “ and peer pressure. We explain to the girls that women our age our struggling with fitting in even today. Except, when you are older you learn to accept things they way they are and avoid negativity. As you grow, you learn what is right and wrong so you steer clear of peer pressure. But, I was teen once and fitting in did matter to me. At, 15, I was flat-chest and frail and frightened at the fact of attending high school. My peers had nice clothes that my mother could not afford. I was so worried about being popular. The best advice I can give is “be yourself”. Trust me it would be so hard to be someone else. Laugh, Live, Learn, Love and have fun!! Being a teen is wonderful. Trying to fit in should be the least of your worries. However, it easier said than done.

Just remember, 10 years from now its not going to matter what you wore in high school and who your friends were. What will matter is that you completed high school and where you are headed. Keep that in mind!!

Peach, Love and Blessings
Stay tuned….

LNP

Whenever you are down, Listen to this song!! Lets Go!!

2009-08-04T21:25:00.000-07:00

Establish Goals

2009-06-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

Know what you want. It is important to establish goals. Pull out a sheet of paper. Fold it in half. On one half list your goals. On the other side, list what you need to do to get there. It doesn't matter how old you are. Your main focus is to achieve your goals and make it a smooth process. Find out what you love to do. Don't consider your new career as stupid or unimportant because it is what you want. Stay away from negative energy. Anyone who's not supporting your decision to do something positive is not worth listening to.

Find out what it takes to get there and do it! Are there classes you need to take? Does it require an internship? Volunteer to find out if that career path is right for you. Volunteering is an excellent way to get your foot in the door. Of couse, you do not get paid, but it will pay off. Volunteer work can build your resume, work experience as well as make you feel like a better person. I love the movie "Pursuit of Happyness". That movie gives a lot of motivation. When you are determined anything is possible!! Remember that the sky is the limit! "Just keep on pressing on. You can have what you want, be what you want."

LNP

Newport News police ID man, wife in apparent murder-suicide

2009-06-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

By Patrick WilsonThe Virginian-Pilot© June 29, 2009
NEWPORT NEWS

Police have identified a man and his wife, whose deaths they said are believed to be the result of a murder-suicide.
Investigators believe Scott Morrison, 31, shot and killed his estranged wife, Angela, 30, Sunday at the front door of a home in the 700 block of Frigate Drive, according to Harold Eley, police spokesman.
The gunfire was reported to police about 5:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Frigate Drive, Eley said.
The Morrisons had separated, "and according to reports, the man shot the woman and then shot himself,” Eley said.
The Morrison's two children, ages 8 and 5, were playing in the backyard during the shootings, Eley said. They had been spending the weekend with their father.

http://hamptonroads.com/2009/06/newport-news-police-id-man-wife-apparent-murdersuicide

Men are affected by domestic violence too.......

2009-06-30T12:11:00.000-07:00

By Shawn DayThe Virginian-Pilot© June 29, 2009
VIRGINIA BEACH

A 25-year-old man who was stabbed last week has died, police said today.
Dennis Johnson, of Virginia Beach, died Saturday night at a hospital, police spokesman Jimmy Barnes said.
Police arrested Johnson’s girlfriend, Syrayra D. Wynn, and charged her with first-degree murder. She was being held without bond at the city jail.
A police officer was flagged down late Wednesday by a person on Sassafras Court, in the city's Thalia section, and told that Johnson had been stabbed, police said.
Investigators determined that Johnson and Wynn had been arguing and that Wynn had stabbed him in the chest, police said. According to court records, Wynn confessed to police.
Wynn initially was charged with aggravated malicious wounding. A judge set her bail at $5,000 on Friday, despite prosecutors’ protests.

http://hamptonroads.com/2009/06/victim-beach-stabbing-dies-girlfriend-charged-murder

Woman wins $7 million judgment against father

2009-06-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

By Shawn DayThe Virginian-Pilot© June 30, 2009
VIRGINIA BEACH

A Portsmouth dentist who was sued by his daughter on allegations he raped and sodomized her has been ordered by a jury to pay her nearly $7 million in damages.
Attorneys for Dr. Francis Lesinski said they plan to appeal.
Lesinski’s daughter, Sarah Tacoronte, 21, wept after the jury’s verdict Monday. She had testified during the two-week trial that her father began molesting her when she was about 4 years old and the abuse continued until she was 14.

In 2006, after she reported the abuse to police, Lesinski was arrested and charged with several sex offenses. Prosecutors dropped the charges months later due to insufficient evidence.
He filed suit against his daughter and ex-wife alleging the abuse claims were false and had damaged his business. He later dropped that suit. His daughter then filed the current lawsuit and adopted the last name of her mother’s new husband.

http://hamptonroads.com/2009/06/woman-wins-7-million-judgment-against-father

Find your own happiness

2009-06-30T11:44:00.000-07:00

Find your own happiness. Sounds simple? Well do it! What exactly do I mean? Find out what makes you happy. Control your happiness. Don’t let others decide whether or not you are going to do something or not. For an example, have you ever waited on a friend to go to a party, hang out or go to a movie? Then your friend stands you up or doesn’t have time. This may lead you to become upset. But, what is stopping you? Of course, it seems weird going to some places alone, but are you going to sit and wait on someone forever? A lot of things will not get done if you sit and wait on someone. Do what you love. Find your adventure. Be independent and go out and get what you want.

Stop making excuses will be your first step to finding happiness. Stop complaining. Everyone has his/her own situations and sometimes getting there may become difficult. Find other ways. To every problem, there is a solution. Find your solution.

Today stop making excuses and find a way to get out there and find your happiness!!!! It just that simple.

You can do it!!!
LNP

First Baptist of South Portsmouth

2009-06-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

LYF will be speaking @ First Baptist in Portsmouth, July 9, 2009 @ 7:00p.m. Come out and show your support and also learn how domestic violence is affecting your community.

A love lost

2009-06-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

You say you want your man to love you
Well he does
Could your insecurities
Make him roam the streets
You get what you ask for
But are not sure what you are asking
Be careful what you ask for
At one point of time
He left you feeling insecure
You say you forgave him
But somehow you can’t forget
Now you are trying to match up
With what you think his standards are
Are you willing to change?
You want him to love you more
But is that really you?
Things that you think matter
Really doesn’t
Now you are upset
Because he not satisfied with your change
You have tried everything
But it seems to not work
Could you be fooling yourself?
What is it that he really wants?
Why her?
That’s what you keep thinking
You spend time to figure it out
1 minute turns into 3 years
and you are still going through
Now you are really losing it
You are losing him
Because you lost yourself
Trying to fulfill his every need
And not your own
You cannot accept
That thing were not meant to be
They just happened.......

LNP

Dying to fit in....

2009-06-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

I attended the GANG symposium yesterday. I learn some valuable information about gangs and how its affecting our youth. We have over 700 gang members in the City of Portsmouth. I was not shocked. When I attend the memorial day parade, the I.C. NORCOM band was shattered. I could actually count the band members. That is not like it use to be. Norcom is known for the "Marching 100". When I was in school being in the band was "in". That's what made school fun, the bands and football games. Where are all the youth now??? Dying to fit in. Dying or getting their life taking away because they want to be cool. Throwing up gangs signs because they see everyone else is doing it. Do you really know what it means? Are you really prepared to die? Are you prepared to do 10-20 years? I was wondering because that's the time that they are giving defendants for senseless and violent crimes.

Be your own person. Be yourself. Do what you like to do. My father always told me, "be a leader, not a follower. That has always stuck with me. Ten years from now it's not going to matter what clothes you wore, who you hang out with school, and if you are popular or not. The only thing that will matter is if you are still here and able to talk about it.

I don't know about you, but I plan to take my community back. I don't know how, but it's in the making. Be looking out for the LYF Foundation.

LNP

When it hits close to home......

2009-06-03T20:47:00.000-07:00

Earlier today someone I knew personally was shot and killed by her boyfriend. I haven't seen or spoken to her in years, but that still does not change my feeling. I don't know what led up to the shooting, but there is no reason to justify why it happened. I am saddened about the loss and in disbelief of how someone so young, life could be taken away.

This is what I'm fighting for everyday. Just when I thought I should take a break.... The subject of domestic violence is silent, but it does come to light. I just hate for it to come in the form of death. I know this has affected several people I know. I just want everyone to get out of the mentality "it can't happen to me". It can. Regardless if it happens to you or not, it happened to someone you know. That should be enough. My heart goes out to the families and love ones affected by this tragedy...

LNP

GANG

2009-06-03T08:50:00.000-07:00

GANG SYMPOSIUM

WILLETT HALL

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 3 @ 6:00PM

AN INTERACTIVE SYMPOSIUM FOR PARENTS, STUDENTS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS OF PORTSMOUTH

I wish I found out sooner. If you can, please come out. The community needs you!!!

Love Is Not Drama: How to Spot Signs Of Domestic Violence

2009-05-29T12:52:00.000-07:00

Checking your text messages and personal e-mail accounts. Forbidding you to attend family gatherings and girlfriend getaways. Are these regular occurrences in your home? If so, you might be in an abusive relationship. Domestic violence knows no color, income level or religion. And ladies, don't assume that all abuse is strictly physical. In fact, Dr. Oliver Williams, executive director of the Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community, says, "Many women say that the physical scars usually heal but the emotional scars are often much harder to recover from." Read on for more signs of domestic violence from Johnica Reed of My Sister's Place, a shelter for battered women and their children in Washington, D.C., and useful suggestions for getting the help you need.

10 Warning Signs That You Might Be In An Abusive Relationship

• You are afraid of your boyfriend or husband's temper.
• You are afraid to disagree with your partner.
• Your partner controls your finances.
• You are unable to go out, get a job, or go to school without his permission.
• You have to justify everything you do, every place you go, and every person you see to avoid his temper.•
You neglect friends or family because of your partner's jealousy.
• You have been wrongly and repeatedly accused of flirting or having sex with others.
• You have been frightened by your partner's violence towards others.
• You have been hit, kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you.
• Your partner often criticizes your clothes, friends and other personal choices.

According to Reed, there are three common phases of abuse.
The length of each stage varies depending on relationship, with the total cycle taking from a few hours to a year or more to complete. Emotional abuse is typically present in all three stages and women often return to their partner during the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase becomes shorter as the cycle repeats itself and violent behavior increases.

"Many women think that if a partner shows attention, although it is negative attention, that an investment is being made in them," warns Dr. Williams. Ladies, heed the warning signs early and seek help as soon as possible. For assistance with an abuser in your home or the home of a loved one, contact your local domestic violence shelter, advises Dr. Williams. Ask them to help you develop a safety plan. Visit the sites below for more information.
Institute on Domestic Violence in the African-American Community, dvinstitute.org
My Sister's Place, mysistersplacedc.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline, ndvh.org or call (800)799-SAFE.
http://www.essence.com/relationships/men/articles/domestic_violence_spot_the_signs/

The New Age of Texting

2009-05-29T12:46:00.001-07:00

When you hear the term "sexting," you may think the harmless exchange of risqué text messages to your beau. However, today's younger generation has given a new definition to the name. Sexting has become a popular trend among middle and high school students who send promiscuous photos to one another via cell phones and PDAs. This in itself can be disturbing, but with sexting, it hardly ever stops there.

Unquestionably, sexting can reap consequences and a bruised reputation is only part of it. Teenagers around the country have been charged for the risky conduct. Depending on the cases, the repercussions can be serious: child pornography charges, felonies and last but not least registering as a sex offender. According to a survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy in 2008, 39% of all teens are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages and 59% of all young adults were doing the same. Even more startling, last year an 18-year-old girl from Ohio committed suicide after her ex-boyfriend shared her photos with their high school friends.

The authorities can only do so much and they encourage strict enforcement of parental guidance. Besides having a talk about sex and setting ground rules, parents are urged to monitor the activity on their children's phones to help ensure they are using their device appropriately. Young adults who exchange explicit photos are especially likely to become sexually active with each other. As sexting cases continue to grow, parent-children interaction should do the same.
How would you react if you found out your son or daughter was sending sexually explicit photos/messages? What can parents do to ensure "sexting" is not happening in their homes?

http://www.essence.com/relationships/sexual_health/articles/the_new_age_of_sexting/

Sexual Health: More Risks for Black Women

2009-05-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

The most common vaginal infection in women of childbearing age (also known as bacterial vaginosis) is associated with vitamin D deficiency based on recent study results, according to The New York Times. The disorder is treatable with antibiotics but it can lead to premature birth and is a major cause of infant mortality. The analysis, published in The Journal of Nutrition, examined 209 White and 260 Black pregnant women at a Pittsburgh clinic and found that more than half had inadequate vitamin D levels. About 52 percent of Black women had bacterial vaginosis, compared with 27 percent of White women, and Black women were almost three times as likely to be vitamin D deficient, probably because darker skin prevents adequate synthesis of the vitamin.—BB

Taken from:
http://www.essence.com/relationships/sexual_health/articles/sexual_health_more_risks_for_black_women/

After Work Social Affair turned out to be a blast!!

2009-05-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

The “After Work Social Affair” turned out to be blast. We included two skits. Our first skit included an act from the poem “I got flowers today”. Antonio Spivey created the second skit. We wanted to give our audience the feel of domestic violence and how it takes place whether it’s everyday or maybe in a club atmosphere. Somebody may not consider his or her situation as domestic violence because it is not physical. We also had a performance by an upcoming artist De’ Angel. She sang her hit song “Movin On”. We were able to recruit in new members and as well as the youth. I actually got a chance to meet up with new and old friends and potential members of our organization. Stay tuned because the LYF Foundation is on the move. With the help of friends, family, members and board members they cause can become huge.

We are in the process of preparing new events, but we will surround them around the youth. If you want to stay updated on what’s going on. Join our website!! www.lyffoundation.ning.com or email us @ www.lyffoundation.yahoo.com.

Check out more photos @ www.upinthemix.net click on event photos.

Special thanks to my friends, family and board members who came out.
Posh Dolche for allowing us to have our event and supporting a good cause.
Darryl- Posh’ s manager
LUKE!!!!
Upinthemix.net
The entire LYF Foundation!!!

Stay tuned….

LNP

Meet us @ Posh Dolche Tomorrow @ 6:30!!!!

2009-05-19T13:16:00.000-07:00

It's finally here! The LYF Foundation's After Work Social Affair event! We can finally get more information out to our friends and potential members. We had our first invitational meeting in March, which included co-workers, family and friends. From that meeting we have recruited over 15 board members. Come out see what LYF Foundation is all about. We will have entertainment. There also are special invited guests. Come out enjoy the music and fun while supporting a good cause!!! You must be 21+ to attend this event.

LYF @ I.C. Norcom

2009-05-10T19:41:00.000-07:00

We had a blast @ I.C. Norcom High School in Portsmouth. We held a workshop on "healthy relationships". We had an open discussion with the teens about different types of relationships and how to maintain healthy ones. Some teens participated my acting out different scenarios. Overall, it was great! We are looking for ideas on how we can get the youth more involved, besides we want everyone to bond and feel comfortable. Any suggestions???

We will like to thank Girls Inc. for making this event possible and inviting us out.

Good Father Vs. Good Husband?

2009-05-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

This topic can be confusing, but I understand it now. It came up after my friend and I were talking about the reality show “Gotti’s Way”. Like most men, Gotti appears to be a wonderful father. He provides for his children, spends time with them and plays a significant part in their life, but from the looks of things he does not appear to be a good husband. Now, I’m no judge. This is just my interpretation from the show. It is reality T.V. and I think it is fair to have an opinion. What’s going on? Could we be in love with the fact that our men are good fathers and excuse them from being good husbands??? Think about it….Don’t you have a right to have a good husband, especially if you have to be a wonderful mother and a good wife too. It is his responsibility to provide, so why do we sometimes feel as if it’s a privilege?

I would never tear Gotti’s wife down. I think she is a beautiful, strong and wonderful mother. The question I have is, “Why do we stay?” Why do some people stay in unhealthy relationships?
“If abusive or unhealthy relationships are so bad, then why do some people stay in them? Why don't they just stop spending time with their friend or break up with the person and stop seeing them? Sometimes it may be hard to get out of an abusive relationship. This is because violent relationships often go in cycles. After a person is violent, he or she may apologize and promise never to hurt you again, and even say that they will work on the relationship. It may be a while before that person acts violently again. These ups and downs can make it hard to leave a relationship.”

“It's hard to leave someone you care about. You may be scared or ashamed to admit that you are in an abusive relationship, or you may be simply scared to be alone without that person. You may be afraid that no one will believe you, or that your friend or partner will hurt you more if you tell someone. “

This just came to my mind today and I wanted to know what you think? You do not have to analyze their situation, but what about yours? Does your partner do what he is supposed to do? Does he respect you and your children?

Please stop settling ladies….

Think about it….
Some Info taken from www.youngwomenshealth.org. website
Love is Love LNP

Keep these numbers in your wallet!!!

2009-05-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474

The Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-HIT-HOME (448-4663)

The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Keep numbers like these in your wallet! Just in case... Or program them in your phone under Aunt Wanda.....

Written by the Center for Young Women's Health Staff

How do I get out of an unhealthy or abusive relationship?

2009-05-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

First, if you think that you are in an unhealthy relationship, you should talk to a parent, friend, counselor, doctor, teacher, coach or other trusted person about your relationship. Tell them why you think the relationship is unhealthy and exactly what the other person has done (hit, pressured you to have sex, tried to control you). You may want to look back at the list of "warning signs" to help you to explain the situation to an adult. If necessary, this trusted adult can help you contact your parents, counselors, school security, or even the police about the violence. With help, you can get out of an unhealthy relationship.

Sometimes, leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous so it is very important for you to make a Safety Plan. Leaving the relationship will be a lot easier and safer if you have a plan. Here are some tips on making Your Safety Plan:

Tell a trusted adult like a parent, counselor, doctor, teacher or spiritual leader.

Tell the person who is abusing you that you do not want to see him or her or break up with this person over the phone so they cannot touch you. Do this when your parents or guardians are at home so you know you will be safe in your house.

Go to your doctor or hospital for treatment if you have been injured.

Keep track of any violence. A diary is a good way to keep track of the date the violence happened, where you were, exactly what the person you are dating did, and exactly what effects it caused (bruises, for example). This will be important if you need the police to issue a restraining order against the person.

Avoid contact with the person.

Spend time with your other friends and walk with them and not by yourself.

Think of safe places to go in case of an emergency like a police station or even a public place like a restaurant or mall.

Carry a cell phone, phone card, or money for a call in case you need to call for help. Use code words. You should decide on the code words ahead of time with your family so that they will know that your signal means that you can't talk easily and you need help.

Call 911 right away if you are ever afraid that the person is following you or is going to hurt you.
Keep domestic violence hot-line numbers in your wallet or another secure place, or program them into your cell phone.

http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/safety_in_relat.html

Signs of an abusive relationship

2009-05-07T09:29:00.000-07:00

There are many signs that you could be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. Take a look at this list of "warning signs" and see if these statements describe your relationship:

Your friend or the person you are going out with:

is jealous or possessive of you—he or she gets angry when you talk or hang out with other friends or people of the opposite sex

bosses you around, makes all the decisions, tells you what to do

tells you what to wear, who to talk to, where you can go

is violent to other people, gets in fights a lot, loses his/her temper a lot
pressures you to have sex or to do something sexual that you don't want to do

uses drugs and alcohol and tries to pressure you into doing the same thing

swears at you or uses mean language

blames you for his or her problems, tells you that it is your fault that he or she hurt you

insults you or tries to embarrass you in front of other people

has physically hurt you

makes you feel scared of their reactions to things

calls to check up on you all the time and wants to always know where you are going and who you are with

How do you know you are in a healthy relationship?

2009-05-07T09:26:00.000-07:00

How do I know that I have a healthy relationship with someone?

-You know that you are in a healthy relationship with someone because you feel good about yourself when you are around that person. Unhealthy relationships can make you feel sad, angry, scared, or worried.

-Healthy peer relationships involve an equal amount of give and take in the relationship. In unhealthy relationships, there is an unfair balance. You may feel that most of the time you are giving the other person more attention than they give to you.

-You should feel safe around the other person and feel that you can trust him/her with your secrets. In a healthy relationship, you like to spend time with the other person, instead of feeling like you're pressured into spending time with them. Unhealthy relationships do not include trust and respect, which are very important parts of a family relationship, good friendship, or dating relationship. No one deserves to be in an unhealthy relationship.

Info taken from: http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/healthy_relat.html

LYF @ Posh

2009-05-07T09:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Supporter:
I am writing on behalf of the LYF Foundation. We would like to extend an invitation to you to attend a social event to be held on May 20, 2009 at Posh Dolce on Granby Street in Norfolk, Virginia.
LYF Foundation is a newly founded foundation with a purpose to raise awareness of domestic violence. We focus on empowering young females between the ages of 11 to 21 including education on dating violence, body image, health awareness and the significance of loving oneself.
We have planned this social event to help promote LYF Foundation. This event will take place between 6:30 pm. to 9:30 pm. We have donation cards, which are $5.00 and will allow you into the event. Special invited guests are Kenny Kenny, who is a local artist, songwriter and producer; Virginiaz Angel, a location artist and songwriter; Anthony Savage, founder of True Martyr's Campaign and a clothing line. There will be a raffle, speakers and plenty of entertainment!
I am asking you to please come out and support this event. It is for a good cause to help empower our young females.
For more information on LYF Foundation, please visit http://www.thelyffoundation.ning.com/ and www.myspace.com/lyforganization.
If you would like a donation card or need further information please email us at http://us.mc435.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=lyffoundation@yahoo.com

Thank you in advance for supporting LYF Foundation and we look forward to seeing you there!

Tuesday Community Teen Night

2009-05-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

Come out on May 12, 2009
"Tuesday Teen Night"
@ the Ansell Gardens,
301 Ansell Ave, Portsmouth, VA
6:00- 7:00pm.

The LYF Foundation will be presenting on healthy relationships, self-respect and self-love.
There will be fun activities.
Event is free and open to the public.
For more info call: 757-397-6161

LYF Foundation will be @ I.C. Norcom

2009-05-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

STAND OUT AGAINST TEEN PREGNANCY

Girls Incorporated of Southwest Hampton Roads Center for Youth and Portsmouth Better Beginnings Coalition will be celebrating National Teen Pregnancy Prevention month with a teen summit, encouraging teens and parents to STAND OUT against teen pregnancy. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy has designated May as the national month of pregnancy prevention.

The event is free and will be held at I. C. Norcom High School on Saturday, May 9, 2009 from 10:00AM to 1:00PM for parents and youth ages 12-19 years old. The summit will focus on issues related to teen pregnancy with various youth workshops on sexually transmitted diseases, healthy relationships, and discussions with teen parents. Parent workshops will focus on statutory rape and how to communicate with teens about sex. There will be special appearance by Portsmouth native, Ashley "TRU' Ward, and fun give-a-ways.

Portsmouth is ranked #10 among cities in Virginia and as a state, #19 in the country for Teenage Pregnancy. Teen pregnancy is steadily rising. This informational summit will help teens focus on different stereotypes and how they can become advocates for change.

"We’re excited about the work that is being done in the community, and we hope that this will be a step toward improving the future of our teens." says Lerlyne Lewis, Girls Inc.'s Outreach Coordinator.

The event is limited to the first 150 teens who register. Registrations are being accepted by Tuesday, April 28, 2009.

If interested in participating and for more information about the event, please call (757) 465-3896.

Commitment?

2009-05-03T11:17:00.000-07:00

"I was cool with no commitment. No, wait it was you, so I was with it." - Destiny Child (Is she the Reason)

Does this song sound familiar? Are these the words that you live by? Are you okay with no commitment? I mean is it not the norm to “just kick it?” Some ladies just do not want a relationship, but then are they considered a lady? Especially when sex is involved. When we go out on a limb and yelled no commitment. What exactly are we committing ourselves to? STDs, AIDS, pregnancy, a broken heart, drama etc…. It’s okay to say what you really want because that is what you deserve. It might not come right now. It will come. After all, good things come to those who wait.

Don’t settle because you feel as if you need someone there. Concentrate on you. What do you want out of life? What are your goals? What can you do to make yourself a better person?

Is okay to have a relationship as long as it is a healthy one. However, if you are in relationship that is just based off of sex, then you are not in a healthy one. Before you lie down with someone make sure you know him or her well. There is no need to take your body through all those changes. Treat your body with respect. Get to know him or her. What are their goals? What’s his or her favorite color? Who is their favorite cousin? What’s makes him or her happy or what ticks them off? What’s his or her mother’s name? Get the picture. See, a relationship can be more than just sex. Trust me I am not schooling you because I am learning myself.

Talk to you later, I love you guys!! I do this because of you.

“The happiness that you are looking for is right in front you (the little things).”
–Rev Run.

Love is Love LNP

Daddy Left Me. Who will love me?

2009-04-23T08:55:00.000-07:00

Daddy left me
I hope there are other men out here better than him
Everyone’s reaching
I can almost hear them calling my name
I feel so ashamed
Maybe if I ignore them it will all just go away
I’m running towards love
I know that will save me
If I could just find someone who loves me
I have my son but that isn’t enough
I need HIM to love me
Not all those other girls
I’m willing to give my all
And accept if he only gives me half
I just need HIM near
They say you have to fall before you can get back up
I’m here now and seem to can’t move
Everyone’s reaching
But it’s not him
So I don’t want their hand
I feel so lost
No one understands…………………

ANONYMOUS

LYF SUPPORTS KYM ROCK

2009-04-20T19:40:00.000-07:00

Turning instinctive response into effective self defense!

April 23, 2009
6:30 - 8:30 pm
Granby Theater Downtown Norfolk
Pre-registration is required. Call 757-228-5100 or fill out the form to the right.

A powerful program designed by a woman for women. It addresses the safety challenges all females face in their daily lives and strives to instill confidence by empowering girls of all ages. With basic self defense exercises and common sense responses to threatening situations, these nationwide workshops teach skills such as approach techniques and verbal commands designed to keep females safe!

Cost: FREE, however they accept cash donations of any size!

100% OF DONATIONS ARE GIVEN DIRECTLY TO THE LOCAL HELP AND EMERGENCY RESPONSE (HER) SHELTER.

The purpose of Help and Emergency Response, Inc. is to provide shelter and to engage in dedicated efforts to eliminate domestic violence.

SUPPORT LYF ROCK THE T-SHIRT!!!!

2009-04-20T19:34:00.001-07:00

LYF TEES ARE $15.00. SUPPORT LYF! PROCEEDS FROM THE

T-SHIRTS SUPPORT LYF FOUNDATION AND ITS MISSION.

The LYF Foundation is a sisterhood that offers love, comfort, and support. Our mission is to raise awareness of domestic violence. Our main focus is to empower and embrace young females between the ages of 11- 21. This includes providing education on dating violence, body image, health awareness, career development, and the significance of loving oneself.

NEED ONE? EMAIL US @ www.LYFFOUNDATION@yahoo.com Design/Logo was created by True Martyr Campaign. (Anthony Savage). Need contact information or need a design contact us by email.

JADAKISS "Smoking Gun"

2009-04-20T19:19:00.000-07:00

Check out Jadakiss song featuring Jazmine Sullivan "Smoking Gun".... I love this song ladies! It's very inspiring and it's nice to know that artists are aware of abuse and are speaking out. JadaMuah:)!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIx1XprCobU

LNP

What is LYF???

2009-04-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

LYF is LOVING YOURSELF FIRST. We are not targeting just girls and women who have been abused. We are targeting all women from all walks of life. Our goal is to raise public awareness about domestic violence because we know that it has an impact on self-esteem. Our purpose is to build self-love and respect. We want to give our youth something to belong to. We want to create a great influence that anything is possible. We are trying to prevent the cycle of abuse and low self-esteem, so we can become better mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, grandparents, friends and so on. With that said, come out and support us! JOIN LYF FOUNDATION!

love is love

LNP

Here it is.....

2009-04-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

This discussion came about when I was riding from New York. I was trying to brainstorm ideas of how in the world will I get this teens to listen to me. Not just listen to me, but also how will I be able to guide them. My friend and I know women who have been abused and some who are still going through it. Regardless of her situation, the truth is no one wants to talk about it. It is definitely a silent epidemic. I am assuming no one wants anybody in his or her business. What about the people who escaped the situation and were able to walk away from it? She would be an excellent advocate to share her story. The next question would be, who is really willing? So everybody has a story. Here is mine.

I can honestly say that I have never been physically abused. I never could imagine it either. But, why attending a youth summit at the Brighton Rock A.M.E. in Portsmouth on Tuesday I realized that I have been emotionally abused. The instructor from the Y.W.C.A. had teens hold up cards showing words of abuse. Words were displayed like extortion, stalking, creating rumors, intimidation, and threatening etc. I said to myself wait a minute, this guy I used to date done all those things.

What was I thinking?

I guess I thought like most women, if it wasn’t physical then I wasn’t being abused. I would never reveal his name because that’s what he would want. This person literally tried to break me down. I had to change my number three times in one year. He would call my job to the point that I could not concentrate on my work. He would call all my friends and make up lies about me. I have been told things like “an eye for eye” in other words; once he’s done with me no one would want me. He started rumors about me. I have been stalked he always found out where I lived. I can go on and on, but I refused because it is behind me. The most beautiful thing about the situation is that I am not in it anymore. I was able to walk away and stand up regardless of what he said. I do not know what my turning point was. Sometimes you just get tired. I knew I wasn’t happy and it is a big problem when someone is controlling your happiness.

I am not embarrassed to share my story. Nothing is wrong with me. There is obviously something wrong with him. That’s what we need to realize. We blame the victim for staying. We call her stupid. She may be embarrassed to share her story. Well, I am not embarrassed. I am no different from you because I was not physically abused. The powerful part is not what we went thought, but how we overcame it. I do not want to come as so perfect. I am far from perfect. I am here to help. I cannot tell you why it’s in me so much. It just came to me. This is my story. I hope it helps and motivate others to share theirs.

Love is Love

LNP

Harlem Mentors Inc- New York

2009-04-13T16:54:00.000-07:00

Linwood Sessoms- Co-Founder of Harlem Mentors

Patrick J. McCloskey- Author of "The Streets Stops Here"

I had a busy weekend. I rode six long hours to support the Harlem Mentors Inc. Harlem Mentors is an educational and recreational organizational that serves at-risk disadvantage and underprivileged young men and women between the ages of 11-21. Their goal is to motivate youth to stay in school by providing mentorship to young adults. They want to improve NYC’s at risk student’s social stability.

I am a good friend with one of the co-founders, Linwood Sessoms. This event was very classy and motivational. It was worth the drive and I will keep you posted on all the Harlem Mentors Inc. events. I actually got a chance to meet the author of The Street Stops Here- Patrick J. McCloskey. The book takes you through the journey of Rice High School in Central Harlem. My good friend Linwood in the book, so I know it will definitely be worth the read. Check it out. I have not had a chance to finish reading it yet.

You got to love Him!!

2009-03-31T20:04:00.000-07:00

If you have not read Steve Harvey’s new book, Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man, you are definitely missing out. Mr. Harvey is definitely keeping it real! I was so excited about it; I read it in one night. I keep it in arms reached just in case I need to skim through it. Trust me my friends would not get to borrow this one! I learned a great deal. Most things I already knew, but just did not want to hear. It gave me a new perspective on my future relationships and also my past. If you have read the book and it did not have an affect on you, then you are probably in denial. Every woman can learn from this book. Besides it is the truth. So, get out of your denial stage, read it, learn and most importantly stop repeating the same mistakes.

“Don’t be another heartbreak story. Start putting yourself first—get where you want to be, and make your man be all that he can be. Remember this: the number one cause of failure is this country is the fear of failure. Fear paralyzes you from taking action. Don’t be afraid to lose him, because if a man truly loves you, he’s not going anywhere.”--- Steve Harvey, Act like a Lady, Think Like A Man 2009.

On that note, stop settling for less. We as women know exactly what we want. So, why are we getting dragged in the mud again? Why are we insisting that this man is going to change? These may be your questions. Steve definitely has the answers. Go get the book!

Love is Love

LNP

Missy Elliott is a Spokesperson for Domestic Violence.

2009-03-31T19:56:00.000-07:00

Hip-hop star Missy Elliott is the new spokesperson for Break the Cycle, the national organization that works to prevent domestic and dating violence through education, free legal services, advocacy, and support for young people. As spokesperson, she gives Break the Cycle an exceptional donation, but her commitment is not purely financial.

Elliott, who grew up with domestic violence, says her new role fulfills a personal dream to help teens understand and prevent violence in their relationships. Sex, Etc. spoke with Missy Elliott about her own experiences with domestic violence and commitment to educating young people about dating and domestic violence.

Excerpt was taken from:

Read the entire interview

http://www.sexetc.org/story/2200

Domestic Violence victims are at higher risk in contracting HIV (STDs).

2009-03-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

Domestic Violence victims are at higher risk in contracting HIV (STDs).

It makes sense. There is no bargaining power. When you are in abusive relationship it is unlikely that the victim will question his/her partner about infidelity.

11 Facts About Teens and STDs

Nineteen million new STD infections occur each year, almost half of them among young people ages 15 to 24.

10,000 teens are infected by STDs per day, one every eight seconds!

One out of every four sexually active teens has an STD, and one in two sexually active youth will contract an STD by age 25.

In 2006, adolescents and young adults 13-29 years old accounted for the greatest percentage of new HIV infections (34%) than any other age group.

African-American young adults are disproportionately affected by HIV infection, accounting for 60% of HIV/AIDS diagnoses in 13 to 24 year olds in 2006.

An estimated one in five Americans have genital herpes infection, and up to 90% of them don't know it.

Teenagers are more susceptible to human papilloma virus (HPV). Rates of HPV infection in teenagers can be as high as 40%, whereas in the adult population, the rate is less than 15%.

Teens are also more likely to develop precancerous growths as a result of HPV infection, and these growths more likely to develop into invasive cancer.

40% of older adolescents surveyed incorrectly believe that the contraceptive “pill” and “shot” protect against STDs and HIV.

Some young people, including those who have had abstinence education, consider oral and anal sex to be abstinent behaviors and do not realize these behaviors present risks of STD transmission.

Although youth are at higher risk for acquiring STDs, only 1/3 of sexually active teens age 15 to 17, and 1/2 of sexually active young adults ages 18 to 24 say they have been tested for STDs.

Sources:Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Kaiser Family Foundation Students Against Destructive Decisions Campaign for our Children American Social Health Association

WHAT IS YOUR KNOWLEDGE ON TEEN DATING ABUSE???

2009-03-31T11:27:00.000-07:00

Teen dating abuse is like domestic violence in adults in that it also is a pattern of abusive behavior used to control another person. Teen dating abuse can include emotional or mental abuse, sexual abuse, and physical abuse.

Like adult domestic violence, teen relationship abuse affects all types of teens, regardless of their how much money their parents make, what their grades are, how they look or dress, their religion, or their race. Teen relationship abuse occurs in heterosexual, gay, and lesbian relationships.

Relationship abuse not only poses direct dangers for teens but also puts them at risk for other problems. Teens who experience violent relationship abuse are more likely to take sexual risks, do poorly in school, and use drugs and alcohol. Girls are at higher risk for pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and suicide attempts.17

Taken from:
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/domestic-violence-teen-relationship-abuse

Teen Dating Abuse by the NUMBERS

2009-03-31T11:19:00.000-07:00

BY THE NUMBERS
Nearly one in 10 teens in serious relationships say they have been deliberately hit, slapped or shoved by a boy- or girlfriend.

One in three teen girls who are sexually active say they have been physically or sexually assaulted by their partners.

One in four teenage girls say they have been verbally or physically abused by their dates.
About 30 percent of all teens in serious relationships say they have received as many as 30 text messages per hour from partners demanding to know where they are, with whom and why.

Ten percent say they get text messages or e-mails from their boyfriends or girlfriends threatening physical abuse.

-- Sources: Family Violence Prevention Fund; Teenage Research Unlimited survey for Liz Claiborne Inc. 2007

RED FLAGS
Occasional arguments are one thing. But patterns of manipulation, emotional abuse and violence can quickly spiral from mental distress to physical harm. One red flag is a warning. Several mean you need help.

Key warnings signs are when your boyfriend or girlfriend:

Belittles you and makes you feel bad.

Tries to control where you go, what you wear or what you do

Exhibits signs of extreme jealousy or possessiveness

Frightens or intimidates you

Threatens harm if you decide to end the relationship

Isolates you from your friends and family

Has broken or thrown something at you in anger

Has ever hit, slapped, shoved or kicked you, or forced you to have sex

--Excerpted from LoveIsRespect.org

GET HELP
National Teen Dating Abuse 24/7 Helpline: 1-866-331-9474

131 people died from domestic violence last year in N.C.

2009-03-26T16:50:00.000-07:00

The Associated Press© March 26, 2009
Barbara Rodriguez
RALEIGH, N.C.

North Carolina's attorney general says domestic violence killed 131 people in the state last year, and he's urging victims to get court-ordered protection against their abusers.
Attorney General Roy Cooper said today the problem is being "swept under the rug." He said only eight people killed in 2008 had taken out protective orders, and only three were current when the victim died.
Mecklenburg County had the highest number of deaths at 14. But Cooper said he was surprised by the statistics in some smaller rural counties, where as many as five deaths were reported.
The statistics were collected under a 2007 state law that ordered all counties to report domestic violence deaths. The study provides the first comprehensive assessment of such deaths in North Carolina.

http://hamptonroads.com/2009/03/131-people-died-domestic-violence-last-year-nc

Exactly! These situations are swept under the rug. I'm glad someone else realizes that. My first question is....... Why do victims not seek protective orders? Are these protective orders really safe and worth the time and effort? Three people who did have the courage to get one still died while the protective order was current. Wow! So, if my boyfriend who does not live with me decides to meet the crap out me, I can not get a protective order against him because we do not live together or have a child in common. Is there really a point? If it's just 72 hours or until our next court date. He may try to beat the crap out of me again before court. Do not let me discourage you from getting a protective order because I feel that it is the first step of ending the tragic process of domestic violence, but come on we need to revise laws. Especially if it is evident that my face is swollen. Come on, why do I need a protective order again? Hello? Just lock him up!

Lnp

VA gets failing grade on protecting youth from domestic violence

2009-03-26T16:43:00.000-07:00

By Cindy ClaytonThe Virginian-Pilot© March 25, 2009

Virginia earned a failing grade from a national teen dating violence prevention organization in its annual report.
Break the Cycle, in its 2009 State-by-State Teen Dating Violence Report Card says that Virginia, along with 15 other states, does not specify who can file for a protection order on behalf of a juvenile, according to the group.
The group offers education and intervention for teens and advocates for laws to protect and promote healthy teens, a press release says. Its members believe that anyone 12 or older should be able to file for a civil protection order and that states should remove requirements for parental involvement, permission or notification.
Ten states received failing grades, according to the release.

http://hamptonroads.com/2009/03/va-gets-failing-grade-protecting-youth-domestic-violence

What are the laws in Virginia for filing a Protective Order?

Click here

http://www.breakthecycle.org/pdf/2009-state-report-cards/state-report-card-virginia-2009.pdf

SPECIAL THANKS!!!

2009-03-18T20:53:00.001-07:00

SPECIAL THANKS TO:

THE PARKER FAMILY
THE RAMSEUR FAMILY
THE BOONE FAMILY
THE TERRELL FAMILY
THE POTEAT FAMILY
THE GREEN FAMILY
THE WOLFE FAMILY
THE WRIGHT FAMILY
THE STEVENSON FAMILY
THE BROWN FAMILY
THE HAWKS FAMILY
THE TABRON FAMILY
THE BOYD FAMILY
THE MARTIN FAMILY
THE MORRISON FAMILY
THE BYNUM FAMILY
THE BRAME FAMILY
THE RANSOM FAMILY
THE MALLORY FAMILY
THE IDLETTE FAMILY
THE PETERSON FAMILY
THE HARRIS FAMILY
AND
LISA'S PHOTOGRAPHY
KAMERAON.COM

THE LYF FOUNDATION WILL LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT!!! OUR FIRST MEETING WAS A BLAST!

Support the Cause! Be a Positive Role model!

2009-03-18T20:32:00.000-07:00

HOW TO BE A POSITIVE ROLE MODEL

be diplomatic, straight forward, sensitive, and respectful
lead with dignity and compassion
maintain your composure under pressure
educate by example, not empty words
exhibit unyielding faith in peaceful solutions
refuse to give up the cause for nonviolence
combine honesty with tact and grace
don’t end a friendship or relationship after the first argument
transform conflict into open conversation
don’t walk out on a discussion or mediation simply because it is difficult
have intentions that reflect everyone’s best interest, not just your own
approach people on their level without being condescending
refuse to respond to threats with aggression or force
insist on focusing and finding solutions
respect the feelings of others when expressing your own
stay in touch with your heart and soul
learn something from every experience and remember the lessons
share your knowledge for the benefit of all
remember that you are part of the human community
WATCH * LISTEN * GROW * LEARN * LOVE * BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!
WEAR A PURPLE RIBBON EVERY DAY!!!
The International Purple Ribbon Project

How to you feel about domestic violence?

2009-03-18T20:13:00.000-07:00

Power and Control Wheel

We can say we do not approve of domestic violence, but are we practicing what we preach?

Take a look within yourself. Let’s step outside of the box for a minute. No one is perfect and some situations we cannot control, but what do you plan to do about a bad situation? Everybody has a story. What’s yours?

WHAT MOTIVATES YOU?

2009-03-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

I read a blog today and seem as if the person I was reading about was down. No matter how this person tries to walk in a positive direction, something negative always comes up. So, what do you do when something or someone just keeps kicking you down? I am definitely not the expert, but I believe every person needs to find motivation. A special friend once told me, “If there is anything you want to achieve, you must first establish motivation.” Whether it’s applying for a job, losing weight or trying to make it day to day. You need to set a goal and do anything to accomplish it. Do not start out with far- fetched ideas; start with something small and then work your way up. Motivation can be anything whether it’s your children, family or just trying to escape a bad situation. So, what motivates me?

What motivates you? What do you do when you feel as if the world has kicked you down? How do you get back up? You can remain anonymous. By the way, giving your ideas may help someone else who may not have came up with a solution to their problem.

LOVE IS LOVE

LNP

It's happening in our community!

2009-03-15T11:11:00.000-07:00

Police have charged the boyfriend of a 24-year-old city woman with murder and a firearm charge in her domestic-related shooting death, they reported today.
Latonya Dickens was found outside her apartment building in the 6100 block of Edward St. about 3:45 p.m. Sunday suffering from a gunshot wound to her shoulder, police said. She died soon after at Sentara Norfolk General Hospital.
Police arrested at the scene Terrance Wright, also 24, of the same address.
http://hamptonroads.com/2009/03/norfolk-man-charged-fatal-shooting-24yearold-girlfriend

I do not know LaTonya Dickens personally, but this definitely hits close to home. This is realization that situations like this can happen. You are not going to see her story on CNN or hear it multiple times. This is why I decided to post her on my blog. I cannot even put a face with her name. LaTonya may you rest in peace. Learn the warning signs visit these websites for information. http://chooserespect.org/ or http://loveisnotabuse.com/

THE SKY IS THE LIMIT!!!

2009-03-15T10:22:00.000-07:00

Our first LYF Foundation meeting went well! I received all the love and support from my family and friends. It was moving to have the most important people in my life to come together for something so positive. We shared our experiences and new ideas. Be looking out for the LYF Foundation because we are about to make progress. From the look of things I have established over 10 board members in just one meeting!! I met new people who came out to participate. I will like to thank everyone for coming and supporting me.

The most interesting thing happened to me yesterday. I was in the mall and this 13-year old girl came up to me to tell me how much she loved the color purple I had on. I informed her about my foundation and how I want to reach out to teens. She yelled across the store and said, “Mom! She got a foundation”. That really touched me. People are really responding to this positive movement. This is definitely what keeps me pushing forward.

“The sky is the limit”

MORE PICTURES TO COME!!!!

Love is love

LNP

SAD NEWS: in memory of Charney Watt

2009-03-13T18:09:00.001-07:00

Charlotte NC: Anti-Violence March for 18-year old Charney Watt

Charney Watt who was allegedly murdered by her boyfriend. Charlotte-Mecklenburg police arrested Gary Lavon Daniels, 18, and charged him with the shooting death of Charney Danell Watt. Police said they were called to a residence in the 5500 block of Laborde Avenue at about 1:20 p.m. Sunday with a report that someone was shot. Officers found Watt suffering from a gunshot wound. She was pronounced dead at the scene inside the home. JOHN D. SIMMONS - jsimmons@charlotteobserver.com

Dating violence does not just happen to celebrities, it can happen in your community. I am saddened, but not shock about what happened to this beautiful girl. It’s amazing how someone can just take your life. It’s all about control. It is important not just to raise awareness, but also to get knowledge about dating violence. We must know the signs and not hesitate to respond to them.

Message to the world: Young people are crying out for your help. This is what motivates me.

Love is love

LNP

Breaking the Dating Violence Cycle

2009-03-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

Oprah Winfrey and Tyra Banks are speaking out!

Oprah and Tyra are responding to Chris and Rihanna's incident that happened last month. Chris Brown an Rihanna are bringing domestic violence to the national spotlight.

Statistics say about one in three high school students have been—or will be—involved in an abusive relationship. "The message this story sends to teen girls and boys everywhere is disturbing, and it is also dangerous," Oprah says. "We need to try to evolve from this moment … use this as a moment to allow our society to begin to grow."

Oprah believes this story can be a teaching moment for every teen and parent. "Love doesn't hurt," she says. "And if a man hits you once, he will hit you again."

Tyra says she knows the cycle of abuse all too well. While in her 20s, Tyra says she was emotionally abused. "He never hit me, but I would say there were blows to my spirit, blows to my emotional well-being every day," she says.

If you're involved in an abusive relationship or know someone who is, there are many people you can turn to for help.Call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474. It's totally anonymous and is staffed by teen and adult advocates.Visit LoveIsNotAbuse.com. This website has guides for parents and more.

Information was taking from http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090312-tows-dating-violence/11.

Check out Oprah's website to get more information.

I am so excited!

2009-03-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

I am so excited! Our first meeting for The LYF Foundation is tomorrow, Saturday, March 14, 2009! It will take place at the Spring Hill Suites in Chesapeake, VA! It is an invitational for my family, friends and colleagues. This is where all the new ideas will generate. Do not worry we will have numerous events that are open to the public. This is just the beginning. I will keep you posted on how things go. I will like to thank everyone for his or her love and support through my journey of faith.

Love is Love

LNP

2009-03-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

Check out Solange's New Video!!! T.O.N.Y.

I find this song and video very interesting. Finally a celebrity is being real, exposing us to real life situations. These types of circumstances occur all the time. A woman finds herself in a bad predicament and has to face it alone. But, the remarkable part is that she turns a bad thing into something good. Just watch it.... I'm giving away too much.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=53617715&searchid=81ae1ff3-7262-4358-a895-f8d31a620935